Odi et Amo With a Twist
Pain can be described in many forms: pain can be the result of physical or emotional injuries, and pain can also be the result of particular hardships. These hardships have been a major part of my life when reading and writing were the tasks. Reading and writing are supposed to be an educational and even fun event to partake in, however, in my view, they were neither. My opinions on reading and writing are deeply rooted in the hindrences I faced in the beginning of my education civilization. However, I am not the only one who faced hindrences in the beginning of “civilization.” Mary Shelley’s creature in Frankenstein faced many issues when attempting to simply gain more knowledge. The creature in the novel reveals the monster that I have contained inside myself, with many related and unrelated issues corresponding to our development into “civilization.”
As long as I can remember, I have hated reading and writing. There are many things in life that I dislike, but nothing as much as having to read or write. You would think that this hatred is because I was a typical child that wanted to go play outside and do anything but what my parents told me to do; however, this is not quite the case in my situation. I struggle with reading and writing due to a disorder called dyslexia. Dyslexia is a learning disorder in which words are easily mixed up and even syllables in words are mixed up, for example aminal instead of animal. Now in the case of the creature, well, he did not have a reading disablity like mine, but he did have to teach himself how to read. I can only imagine the struggle it would have taken him to learn such a complex language all alone. The creature and I share a common characteristic inside our struggles beginning to learn. The creature taught himself everything and once he knew all that he needed to know, he became an intellectual being; however, he was still held back by something he could never escape, his appearance. I am not going to be vain and say that I am really good looking, but I feel that I do not possess the same physical features that the creature did, but I do possess a related quality inside my disorder. Once I was able to read and write, I struggled greatly in my learning. The creature had such ease once he gained knowledge, but I, like him, remained detered.
Thinking back on certain situations now, I can remember my mom helping me to read but I hated having to try. I honestly wanted to give up, but everywhere I looked, reading was a necessity. I think I had it easier than the creature for I was not visably different looking, but I do believe that we both retained a fear of what others would think. His fear derived itself from looking different, my fear came from not wanting to look/sound different. And there I found it, I found my own personal monster…myself. Now this is not a monster in that I attack innocent random people, but a monster in that I never fully cared about all that I received.
In the novel, the creature began to tell Victor Frankenstein of all that he experienced from his creation up until their meeting. Of how he came across a village and attempted to get food but found himself unaccepted by the villagers. And of how he observed De Lacey’s family in the cottage, learning emotions, and language, and reading. However, he had a definite interest in all of that, I most certainly did not. . I never did the work that was assigned, I never read the books we were given to read, and I blocked out the world of reading and writing from my care. I feel almost guilty when I look back to what I had in my educational development. I had so many people there for me, helping me along, and the creature had no one there to help him. Though the creature is a fictional character, I still feel guilty for never really appreiciating what I had.
Even through the guilt and hardships faced, there exists a time when things change. For me, that was high school. The reasons things changed were because my parents threatened to take away sports, they warned me that college would not be an option if I kept going down this path, and lastly, I met my best friend my freshman year. You may find the last reason strange, but it is the most significant of all the reasons listed. Laura Myers (that would be my best friend) is an extraordinary person who changed my life. She was a reader. Everytime I saw her, she had a book in her hands. After she would finish a book, she would tell me about it and then ask if I wanted to borrow it to read. Numerous times I refused, but one day, I accepted her offer. Our junior year had just started, and as embarrassed as I am to say this, she had just finished reading the book Twilight. This became the first book I read simply for the purpose of just reading a book; this book made me fall in love with reading. It was not the story contained in the book, but the representation that the book had for me. This book was the gateway into an entirely different world I never knew existed because I was never willing to look. On the other hand, the creature thrived for any oportunity to learn and discover more. For instance, when he discovered the bag of books and clothing in the woods near the cottage, his excitement upon this discovery gave him extreme joy. A joy which finally, I understood after such a long battle. Laura was to me what De Lacey was to the creature when they had first met. De Lacey’s blindness prevented him from seeing the creature for his exterier, and Laura did not care to see me for my disablities, but simply gave me a chance to grow. However, the ending of my story is much happier than the creature’s ending.
I have since faced fewer and fewer issues with reading and writing. All it took was that one time, and that one person to cause a serious change in my life. The same goes for the creature, except that his change was most definately not for the better. De Lacey’s family did not accept him for anything but his hideous appearance, causing him to long even more greatly for companionship; something which he never found. And yet again, I find myself feeling guilty; for I, never desiring more from an education on account of my disability, got all that the creature himself desired with all that he had. I received an education, I found companions like myself. But in all that I had I still found it. I found that I am, myself, indeed a monster.
I pledge that I have abided by the Washington College Honor Code